Time

It's amazing how quickly time can pass without you realizing.  It seems like only yesterday that I was leaving a one year old Bugs at daycare for the first time.  I had to experience that sadness again this morning after leaving him at a new daycare for the first time as an almost five year old. 


Probably one of the hardest things you do as a parent is let your children work through those difficult situations without you.  It's best to rip off the Band-Aid.  Turn around and walk away without looking back.  Unless you've actually experienced that though, I'm not sure you realize exactly how heartbreaking it really is.  Whether you've done it once or ten times it's still one of the most difficult few minutes a parent has to face as their child is growing up. 


Rip off the Band-Aid.  Turn around and walk away without looking back.


Then you sit and wait impatiently until you can see your child again.  Praying that they've had as good of a day as you promised them they would.  You wait impatiently until you can make sure they've actually forgiven you for leaving them in that strange place alone.  Impatiently to see their smiling face as you return to get them after its over.  Impatiently to see how many days it will take for them to get acquainted with their new situation.


Those moments become few and far between as they get a little older.  In a few short months I'll be dropping Bugs off at Kindergarten for the first day.  I have no doubt that he will be smiling and happy about going.  I won't have to rip off the Band-Aid.  I won't have to walk away without looking back.  As a parent that's a hard thing to accept.  Ironically enough, as they're running into their classroom to put their things away, you feel a small sense of loss that they aren't clinging to you for one more kiss, or begging you not to leave.  It means your baby is growing up. 


Your child who once needed you for everything, needs you a little less today than he did yesterday.

New Starts

It's always a good time for a new start, right?

You don't need some life changing event or earth shattering news to decide that maybe something isn't quite right on the life track you're on... 

Today was that day.  I've been on this journey for so long with the boys all alone.  Making the best decisions that I could to make sure they thrive.  Sometimes its so lonely.  Sometimes I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing or not.  But I always push forward and keep fighting. 

That's life with a special needs child.  Any child really, but especially a special needs child.  It seems like just when you think you're finished with one fight you turn around and find another. 

So today we make a change.  Today I've let go of some of the control I thought I needed and am reaching out for help in other places. 

Sometimes the path you're on that you feel is right actually isn't the best way.  Sometimes it takes a little bit of a push, even if it hurts, to lead you to the better path.  The right path.  At least the right path for now.