Don't get me wrong, every time I drive up and see through the trees the perfectly groomed lawn (not so much right now because Shane's been so busy), the landscaping we spent so much time on, the lake house like wood siding, I fall in love all over again. Inside its a different story, I feel like the walls are closing in on me.
It's the kind of stuffy you feel when you wake up in the middle of winter and look outside to realize that three feet of snow has fallen over night and any plans that you would have had for the next three days are completely out of the picture. You're trapped in the house until the snow melts.
I've spent the last week going out, shopping, going to garage sales, spending time at Shane's shop. Just being away.
Will it get better?
Ryder is so incredibly smart. I think I say that every day, but he really shocks me. Today he learned the sign for 'finished'. He only does it with one hand, and he hasn't quite got the twist part down, but it's good enough for me. He also said Mickey. It sounded more like 'Mihk' but any word is better than what he has been saying! Or not saying. The doctor said he's just taking his time. He said that he would recommend speech therapy but only to help him along, not because he really needs it. He said that at this age it would help me more by giving me ways to teach him.
I'll take anything that helps me raise my children to the best of my ability.
Shane is a different person recently. It's incredible how something he enjoys has changed him so much. He is out of the house before 8 each morning, goes to bed early, and is actually happy all the time. I love him more than anything, he's my life. Our boys and I really couldn't survive without him. It makes me proud, and really happy to rely on him so much. He's amazing.
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